You're My Star
by TurnUps
Summary: Eremin oneshot. Eren's kept a candle lit in his room, and Armin recognises the signal. He spends the night in Eren's room. They star gaze and have deep talks - it's pure fluff.
1. You're My Star

**(A/N): Season 2 is out, and I wanted to write a little drabble about my boys. u (And a multi-chapter AU coming soon huehue)**

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You're My Star

Armin had finally perfected the art of walking down a dark hallway without blowing the candle out on the way down. It wasn't so much because he was afraid of the dark; rather in the winter it got dark at five o'clock, and where Eren and Jean were stubborn enough to try to stumble around in the dark - Armin preferred to see where he was going.

Which was why it was unusual to see candlelight from Eren's room.

To most people. Armin, however, recognised the signal. Like a moth to the flame.

"Eren? You okay?" Armin poked his head around the doorway.

Eren jumped, and turned around - his green eyes wide. He was standing at the window. The key he wore around his neck glinted in the candlelight, swinging like a pendulum.

"Armin! Yeah - yeah, I'm fine," he said. He cleared his throat, and it lowered slightly. "I thought I'd keep the light on - for you."

"Oh, yeah," Armin nodded, and tried not to smile. Eren might not do this any more if he thought Armin was teasing him. "That was nice."

Eren nodded, his smile shaky. He shoved the key back into his shirt.

"You know, there's no point me settling down for the night until you come in and ask if you can stay with me or not," he said, one hand absently scratching his ear. Awkwardly scratching his ear.

He wasn't meeting Armin's eyes. In fact, his cheeks were slightly flushed.

But Armin played along. He titled his head to one side, and smiled slightly.

"Eren, is it okay if I sleep here tonight?" Armin said.

Eren made a sound in the back of his throat.

"Tch," he tried to play it off. To be the cool dude. "I guess - if you're really that scared."

"Thanks," Armin smiled, and stepped into the room.

They both knew what had really happened. What had really been asked.

'Eren, do you want me to stay with you tonight?'

But it was easier to pretend that Armin was the scaredy cat. He had been scared of the dark as a kid - and even when they shared a room in Training, there had been nights it had gotten to him. When he had sneaked into Eren's bunk because he was _sure_ there was something in the dark. Waiting. Watching. But, it was never Eren. Eren was never scared. He was always fearless, and headstrong, and brave.

It was easier this way. Especially if someone overheard.

 _'See Jean, Armin was the one who was freaking out. I was just being a good friend.'_

 _'No, Captain Levi, it was Armin, see? You know me - I'm ready for anything.'_

He didn't want Levi to know that he was weak. For whatever reason, Eren was desperate to prove himself. Even if he was just as terrified as everyone else.

Armin guessed being a titan shifter gave him some big shoes to fill. Titan sized shoes, in fact.

And if he could help take the pressure off, he would.

He blew out his candle and placed it on the side, closing Eren's door slowly behind him.

"There's no moon tonight," Eren said. He was leaning on the windowsill, his eyes following Armin. But he already looked more relaxed.

"But is there any stars?" Armin asked.

"A whole bunch," Eren said. "But I would need you to tell me their names."

Armin smiled. He liked this. The gentle voices. Just being themselves. Stepping around the real subject. It made things easier. He could almost pretend that the anxiety in his gut wasn't there. That they weren't facing every day wondering if it was their last. He could almost pretend that they were normal. That they were still in Trost. And that this was how things would have gone.

He stepped up to Eren's open window and looked up at the night sky. It gave him an excited rush in the pit of his stomach. Like he could just swoop straight up and away.

"That's the North Star," he said, pointing up. "You know that, Eren."

Eren's head was on his shoulder, his hands on his waist. Connecting their hip bones together, like a jigsaw.

"Mmm," Eren said, non-commitally. "But that one doesn't have an interesting story behind it."

Armin gave a small, breathless laugh. His hands rested on top of Eren's, hugging his friend's arms around him like a jumper.

"Well that," Armin said. He pointed again. "That's Orion. He was a giant huntsman - and that's his dog, over there. See, Sirius is the brightest star there."

"His dog?" Eren repeated. His chin jutted up and down on Armin's shoulder.

"Well, that's what people think the system looks like," Armin said. "But it could also be Orsiris, or Alhabor1 - that's also a dog. A hound's head."

"That doesn't look like a dog," Eren muttered.

"Of course it does," Armin said. "See, Sirius is the head, and that stars the front paw," Armin pointed out the next star. "And the one over there is the back, and bottom leg, and then that's his tail coming out, see?"

"Why can't it be a cat?" Eren asked.

"Because it's a dog," Armin said.

"But it could also look like a cat," Eren said. His hand pressed over Armin's guiding him to the stars again, like he was painting. "See - cat's head, paw, back, paw, tail."

"But it's Orion's _dog_ ," Armin said, but he was smiling. He could see Eren fixing him with a cheeky grin out of the corner of his eye.

"How do we know it's Orion?" Eren pressed. "It could be anyone."

"We call the constellation Orion," Armin said.

"But why can't we call it something else?" Eren said. "Why can't it be Petra - and her cat?"

Armin's smile faded. He pulled Eren's arms tighter around him.

"The legend goes that Zeus put Orion in the sky," he whispered.

"It's a shame Petra isn't up there," Eren muttered.

"Yeah, it is," Armin said. The mood had deflated. He gave Eren's hands a reassuring squeeze. "I'm sure she is. Somewhere. Some stars can only be seen at certain times."  
"That means you'll have a lot of teaching me to do," Eren said. The smile was back. He squeezed Armin. Hard. " _How_ do you _know_ so much about all of this?!"

"Whilst you were picking fights with Jean, I studied," Armin said, wryly.

Eren gave a bark of a laugh - like a dog - and suddenly Armin was lifted from the ground.

He squeaked, his hands clasping Eren's hands so that he didn't fall as he hung in the air.

"But you're _so_ smart!" Eren cried, spinning him around in a circle. Armin found himself laughing. "You're _amazing_ , Armin!"

He put Armin down, and whilst he was still dizzy, darted around him so that they were face to face. Eren's brilliant green eyes sparkled at him, still slightly blurry.

"I'm just good at reading," Armin said, with a small smile. "But you're really amazing."

Eren snorted.

"All I'm good for is wrecking things," he said.

The glint in his eye vanished. His face had fallen slightly, even if there was still a grin on his face.

"That's not true," Armin frowned. He cupped Eren's cheeks in his own, meeting his gaze. "You made the top ten of our corps for a reason."

"That was just training," Eren said. "That was just school."

"Yeah, and the first time we went out after school, we lost half of our friends," Armin said. "It's a big deal, Eren. You're talented," Eren rolled his eyes, and pushed Armin's hands away, but Armin gripped his shoulders instead. "And you're brave. You're a very brave person. You're the bravest person I know."

"Because I'm a titan shifter?" Eren asked. Armin's heart lurched at the look in his eyes. Fear. Vulnerability.

Acceptance.

"Because - when you didn't know - on that first mission - you saved my life," Armin said. He still felt a ball of lead in his throat whenever he thought about it. "You pushed me out of the way and you were ready to die for me. _That's courage_ , Eren. And it's much more amazing than knowing a bunch of facts."

Armin could still remember the lurch in his stomach. The way his brain had just gone into lock down. Of how he couldn't think. Couldn't breathe. He had thought that he had lost his best friend. He couldn't let oxygen to his brain because then he would have to accept it.

And he couldn't accept it.

"I was just doing what anyone would have done," Eren muttered.

"You're the most amazing person I know," Armin repeated. He pressed his forehead against Eren's, his hands squeezing his friend's shoulder's.

Eren hesitated, then he slid his arms around Armin, his fingers lacing over the small of Armin's back.

"Even if I can't sleep without a light?" Eren whispered.

"Everyone's afraid of something," Armin whispered back.

"What are you afraid off?" Eren's face was so close that his eyes had merged into one big blur. Armin could count the freckles across Eren's nose.

"Losing you."

Eren kissed him. Chastely. And tenderly.

"You don't have to be scared of that," Eren said. "I'm here."

"You don't have to be scared of the dark," Armin replied. He rubbed their noses together in an eskimo kiss. "I'm here."

Eren closed his eyes, and brought Armin closer to him. So that their bodies were pressed against each other.

"It's not the dark I'm afraid of," Eren murmured into Armin's ear, his lips grazing against his skin.

Armin knew he wasn't likely to get an answer if he asked what it really was. He never had. It didn't matter.

They stayed pressed against each other a moment longer.

"Well," Armin sighed eventually. "We've got a long day tomorrow. Are you ready to get some rest?"

"If, by 'get some rest', you mean, lie in bed and talk, then absolutely," Eren said.

Armin laughed, and stepped away. He didn't need to reply. They both knew the answer was 'yes'.

He blew out another candle, and Eren latched the window shut.

It was as he was carrying the last candle to the bedside table that he froze.

It was - in the dark glass of the window - he thought he saw -

A flash of teeth. Glittering eyes.

A smile.

Eren's hands closed over the bottom of the candle holder, steadying it before the flame could splutter out completely.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

Armin blinked. The face was gone.

"Would it be alright to - close the curtains?" he asked.

Eren nodded. He was watching Armin like he was about to explode.

He pulled the curtains together, and Armin felt his heart settle.

"You've gone white as a sheet," Eren said. He pressed his knuckles against Armin's cheek, and Armin leant into the touch.

"My eyes playing tricks on me," Armin said.

Eren nodded. All too understandingly. Everyone in the corps had moments like that. Moments were they had had to look twice.

Eren took the candle from Armin, and placed it onto his small bedside table.

Armin, on impulse, stepped forward, and wrapped himself around Eren's waist like a baby monkey. Once they stared to hug, he always found it hard to ween himself off of it again. Eren was always so warm. Like sitting in front of a fire.

It must have been all the anger he stored away.

Eren swung himself sideways, and they both collapsed onto his bed in a heap. They giggled breathlessly, staring up at the ceiling. Eren's fingers laced into Armin's.

"What you were saying earlier?" Eren said slowly. As though he was scared to ask. "About Zeus? Do you believe that?"

"You mean if I believe in a higher power?" Armin replied. He stalled for time, brushing Eren's knuckles across his lips. "I guess. Why else would the world be so beautiful?"

"Beautiful?" Eren echoed. Like he was trying the word out for the first time.

"Like, you know, shells, and how intricate they are. Their shape is amazing - hand crafted. And they conform to the golden spiral perfectly - so much in nature conforms to our rules of art - that can't be a coincidence, right?" Armin said.

Eren's fingers twitched.

"So why didn't anyone interfere back in Trost?" Eren said. His voice sounded rough, like he was fighting off a cold.

"I don't know," Armin said. "I don't know if we'll ever know. Maybe there are things we have to do on our own."

"That seems…" Eren trailed off. He didn't have to finish. Armin knew exactly what he meant.

"Sunshine all the time makes a desert," Armin muttered. "I could give you a million possible answers, but I know you'd never feel it justified."

"All I keep thinking," Eren said. His voice sounded stained. "Is if it didn't happen - I wouldn't have known about titan shifting. The Scouting legion wouldn't either. What would that mean, do you think, for Captain Levi and the others?"

Armin was silent. The quiet stretched around them, ringing in their ears.

"I don't know," he said whispered.

"Maybe there is a plan," Eren said. He turned, and pressed his face against the crook of Armin's neck.

Armin absent mindedly ran his fingers through Eren's hair. Their breathing started to synchronise. A rhythm they had begun to learn. Soothing each other.

"Remember," Armin murmured, then cleared his throat. "Remember when we used to share a bed as kids? You would make hand puppets on the wall."

"And you would get scared," Eren grinned against Armin's neck.

"I wouldn't get _scared_ ," Armin said. "I would get annoyed - you would always make that wolf try and eat me."

"He's here now, Armin," Eren's voice dropped to a conspiratorial whisper. "He's coming."

"Eren," Armin said. He tried to take on a warning tone; like Mikasa when she was telling them off.

But the shadow of a wolf appeared on the wall next to him.

"See, he's creeping up on you now," Eren made the wolf's mouth open and close as he brought it closer to the silhouette of Armin on the wall.

"Stop it," Armin said.

"Aw, Armin, you're not still scared are you?" Eren teased, bringing the wolf ever closer.

"I know what happens when he gets me," Armin said, frowning at Eren, who was grinning from ear to ear.

The wolf shadow pounced onto Armin, and moments later, Eren did too, his fingers digging into Armin's sides.

"That's _not_ how you tickle someone, Eren!" Armin cried, trying to fight him off, but only succeeding in squirming helplessly. "That's just poking me!"

"It's the wolf eating you," Eren said, smirking down at him and chuckling.

"It _hurts_!" Armin pushed Eren's arms away from him, collapsing back on the bed in a fit of weak giggles.

Eren grinned down at him, his arms either side of Armin's head.

"Are you scared of the big bad wolf?" he asked. His voice was low, like a growl.

Armin only laughed.

He wound his arms around Eren's neck, pulling him down into a kiss.

"I'll never be scared of you, Eren," he said. And when Eren tensed, he kissed him again. "Never."

Eren smiled at him, then pressed a kiss against his forehead.

"Armin," he said, pressing their forehead's together. "I love you."

"I love you too, Eren," Armin said.

Eren pushed himself back onto the bed, pulling Armin close to him. They lay for a few moments in silence, listening to each other's breaths. This was good. Fooling around. Forgetting the million worries that plagued them during the day.

Being in love was good.

Eren's fingers ran through Armin's hair. He pressed the gold strands to his face, closing his eyes. The candlelight highlighted his face. Everything seemed to glow.

"It's okay," Armin said. "You can sleep. I'm here."

Eren nodded, Armin's hair still pressed against his mouth. There were dark circles under his eyes. Eren took a breath then rested his head on the pillow. He pressed Armin against his chest like a teddy bear.

Armin stayed there, his ear pressed against Eren's shirt. He could feel the outline of the basement key, but more importantly he could hear Eren's heart beating. Loudly, and slightly quicker than usual -

But a heart beat.

Armin was being crushed.

He opened his eyes to find that it wasn't just in his dream.

Eren's arms were tight around him. Too tight. He could barely breathe.

"Eren," he hissed, his arms trapped. He clutched at Eren's shirt, struggling in the death grip. "Eren, wake up!"

Eren muttered something, and frowned, his eyebrows drawing together in a dark line.

"Eren!" Armin cried again. " _Eren_!"

Eren awoke with a start. His green eyes flashed in the dying light of the candle.

Then it reached the end of it's wick, and was snuffed out completely.

Armin could hear Eren panting in the dark. Everything was indigo and purple and dark blue. Shades and shades of midnight blue.

"You were dreaming," Armin whispered.

"Are you okay?" Eren said. His fingers fluttered over Armin's face, taking in the details that he had memorised.

"I'm fine," Armin said. His breathing was just as heavy. He caught Eren's hands and squeezed them tightly.

"It's these dreams," Eren muttered. "They just…creep up on me."

Armin brushed the hair away from Eren's forehead. The skin below was damp. The room smelt of sweat.

"I'm here," Armin murmured. Eren leant into his touch like a dog. He gave a small whine in the back of his throat. "I'm here."

Armin kissed his forehead, and rubbed their noses against each other. Eren gently pulled him close, so that Armin's head rested on his shoulder.

"I can't sleep," Eren said. Suddenly, his grip had tightened again, and he was rising from the bed, his breathing still laboured.

Armin gripped Eren as he was carried. His heart was pounding in his chest. But he trusted him.

Eren placed him on the windowsill, then pulled the curtains around them like a shroud. Like a shield. So that they could look out at the night sky.

Eren opened the window, one hand steadying Armin as he crouched on the window sill, leaning against Eren for support. The night air chilled his cheeks, but it cooled the sweat of his cheeks.

Crickets chirped below them. A sound from home.

"Can you see Petra?" Eren said.

Armin turned towards the sky.

"Yeah," he said. He pointed. "See - that's her there, flying through the air on her manoeuvre gear."

Eren frowned, his eyes darting across the sky. Almost desperate.

"I see it," he muttered.

"And that's Marco, over there," Armin said, his finger moved to another star. "There's a space next to him, because he's waiting for Jean."

Eren smiled - Armin could just make out his teeth in the darkness.

"What about Oluo?" Eren said.

"Uh," Armin's eyes darted across the map of stars. "Right over there. Watching over Petra."

"They're all up there?" Eren said.

Armin nodded. He rested his head on Eren's shoulder, his hand playing with the ends of Eren's hair. The curls at the nape of his neck. The rush of air in and out of his ribcage. A lullaby.

"They're all there." Armin said.

"What about us?" Eren whispered. His fingers tightened on Armin's waist.

"Maybe someday," Armin replied. He pointed at a flash of light streaking across the sky. "Look - there's Gunther."

"Is there going to be enough room for us all?" Eren said. "I don't want to be up there without you."

"There's room," Armin said. "It's a big milky way."

Eren sighed. Armin could feel his hair ruffled.

He swallowed. Suddenly, he was finding it hard to keep back tears. They always hit - everyone seemed to suddenly remember something - someone - and need a minute.

Armin fought to think of something else - his eyes searched the sky for a distraction.

"I think that's Mars - that really bright star over there," Armin said.

"Don't look at me," Eren said. "I don't have a clue."

"That one could be Jupiter," Armin continued.

Eren chuckled.

Armin continued to count the stars, and Eren continued to listen, peppering him with kisses when he thought it was a job well done, until the sun started to dye the horizon orange, and Armin's eyes grew heavy. He murmured something about Orion, then leant into Eren's chest and was asleep in seconds.

Eren smiled at him, kissed his forehead, then carried him back to the bed.

 _A big milky way?_

 _But the brightest star was right in front of him._

"So, Armin, I heard you cry out last night," Reiner said. "Everything okay?"

Armin's gut lurched, and the porridge fell off of his spoon with a splat.

"Y-Yeah," he said. "Just - a bad dream."

"I get those sometimes. A lot of the time," Sasha said, placing a heavily ladened tray onto the table. Three bowls piled on top of each other. "About titans. The abnormal ones."

"Oh no," Armin said. He laced his fingers with Eren's under the bench. "This one was about the big bad wolf."

He saw Eren smile out of the corner of his eye, and his fingers were squeezed.

"You're still scared of the big bad wolf?" Reiner repeated. He looked as though he was about to burst out laughing.

"There's nothing funny with that," Sasha pointed her spoon at him. "Wolves are vicious - you should have seen what I used to fight off of our harvests!"

"Sasha wrestles wolves," Eren muttered. "Of course."

"Sasha would probably fight a titan with her bare hands over food," Mikasa said, arriving to the table.

There was a round of laughter all around. It was good to laugh. It relieved stress.

"You're not really having nightmares about wolves, are you, Armin?" Mikasa said, she turned to Armin with concern in her eyes.

Armin nodded. He was glad a blush crept across his cheeks. He was embarrassed. He wasn't hiding something.

Mikasa seemed unconvinced.

"Don't worry, Mikasa, Eren was there to save the day," Eren said, with a special grin that made Armin's heart flutter like a butterfly.

"You two are so lame," Jean muttered from the end of the table. "Imagine having nightmares and running to your boyfriend's room."

Eren flipped him off, and stuck out his tongue.

He was smacked on the back of the head as Captain Levi walked down the hall.

"Watch the gestures, Yager," Levi muttered, shooting one of his infamous glares at Eren. Despite all his bravado, Eren still withered under one of those gazes, like everyone else.

"He was just defending his boyfriend's honour, Captain," Mikasa said. She had a gift of saying anything with a straight face, and seeming earnest.

"Why does everyone think we're boyfriends?" Eren snapped, turning to them all.

"I can see you holding hands under the table," Sasha said, with a mouthful of porridge. "I think it's cute."

"Yeah, we're getting bored of you guys waiting to tell us," Bert said.

Eren's face was bright red, but Armin found himself laughing.

"Well," he said. "Eren truly is amazing."

He kissed Eren's temple, and could practically see steam coming from Eren's cheeks.

Jean faked gagging, but Sasha made an 'aw' sound. Levi rolled his eyes in disgust, and stalked away.

"Well," Eren muttered. His voice low enough so that only Armin could hear. "You're my star."

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 **(A/N): So, the little '1' is there because Alhabor is what Chaucer called that star, and I'm not really sure how the dates would match up. (He's like 12th century.) But that's just a little not about me being a nerd - stars are cool!**

 **Please leave a comment if you enjoyed - I really appreciate it!**

 **Happy season two! \\(o0o)/**


	2. Till the Next Day

**(A/N): I wanted to wait until I was a little further on with my Eremin multi-chap to post this (because I've got way too many in progress being updated right now "") but the second season finished a little while ago...and I had this idea so I wrote it up.**

 **I put it in with this oneshot because it wasn't quite long enough for it's own fic. So...**

 **I hope you enjoyed it and I'd love to know what you thought! ^-^**

 **(You can reblog this on my tumblr under the tag - tagged/turnupswrites if you feel like it \\(o0o)/ Happy season 2!)**

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Till the Next Day

Eren had known Armin would be in the library. It was as though Armin had to return there every so often just to survive. Particularly after a Scouting Corps outing. It was like a ritual.

And he had to speak to Armin. That was his way of surviving after one of those outings. That was his ritual.

Sure enough, when Eren turned a corner into the library, he found that Armin was already buried in a huge tome.

He stepped forward, debating whether to sneak around and scare-

"Aren't you meant to be recovering?" Armin asked. He must have heard Eren approaching. He always heard Eren.

Then again, Eren wasn't exactly a quiet person.

"Why? I've got my hands back," Eren replied, show his newly regenerated pair. "That's what matters."

Armin shook his head, but there was a smile was creeping across his face. A _'typical Eren,'_ smile that he never tired of.

"You still need your rest," he said.

Eren shrugged, and chanced a step forward.

"I don't want to sit in a bed waiting, Armin," he said.

An understanding look crossed Armin's face, and he gave a small sigh.

"Now you can sit in here and wait," he said. He only sounded slightly bitter.

"At least in here I have you," Eren said. He flashed a smile at Armin. A smile he knew was crooked and would make-

Sure enough, Armin turned away so that his hair shielded his face moments later.

Eren wanted to laugh. He wanted to cry. Everything was so normal. They were all back to normal.

But it was a facade. A forced show between the pair of them.

They had learnt it from the adults. To only discuss what happened on the field in their reports. Maybe it was supposed to make them feel better. _Out of sight, out of mind._ But it didn't keep Eren from seeing their faces every time he closed his eyes. _Bert, Reiner, Ymir, Hannes, the Smiling Titan._ The nightmares about the Smiling Titan had only just begun to ebb, but now it was back in full force. Like he was ten again.

He had to talk about it. But he didn't know how.

"How are you doing?" Armin asked, flicking a page of his book. "You know - aside from getting your hands back - which I'm sure Commander Erwin is jealous of."

There was the familiar twinge of guilt in Eren's stomach. He swallowed, and his throat was sore.

"I'm…" Eren shrugged, crossing over to Armin's chair. "Coping, I guess."

He rested his hands on the back of the chair. His eyes on the line of pink between Armin's collar and his hair. When Armin was reading like this, Eren could see the small freckle there. To the left of Armin's spinal cord. A place Eren had kissed many times and refused to tell Armin why.

He had _needed_ to see Armin. He had needed to see Armin _here_. To regain some sense of normalcy. Because he had been scared he'd never see any of his friends again and the thought of losing Mikasa - and _Armin_ \- was _unbearable. Unthinkable._

But it was all he could think about. In his dreams - he saw them over and over.

So he had _needed_ this. Armin was alive.

"I didn't really think about it," he said, turning his attention back to the conversation.

"Not even whilst you were waiting for us?" Armin asked, half turning.

"I wasn't waiting!" Eren said. "I was - planning an escape - you just - came too quickly."

"Yeah," Armin said, he turned away again and Eren knew he was smiling. "Of course."

"Which was _dangerous_ ," Eren said, wrapping his arm's around Armin from behind, and squeezing him to make him squeal. "And you shouldn't have risked everything for _me."_

"Don't be ridiculous Eren," Armin leant into Eren's arms, bending his head back so that their eyes could meet. "I would risk the whole world to get you back."

"I wouldn't be worth it," Eren said. He went to pull his arms away, but Armin gripped them against him.

"Eren; what would I have without you?" Armin asked. His cheeks warmed, and he turned back to his book in an effort to hide it. "Besides, stepping outside the front door is dangerous, might as well be rescuing you."

"Many scouts died to get me back," Eren said. It came out too casually. As though he was discussing the weather. Surely his voice should have cracked. _When did that become so normal for them?_

Armin didn't move. For a moment, Eren wasn't sure if he had even heard him.

The reply came slowly.

"They knew the risks," he said. "We all did, when we signed up."

"Do you think Erwin would have sent all those scouts out if it was someone else?" Eren asked. The words seemed to ready on his tongue. Too spiteful. "If it was Connie, or-"

"Me?"

It hadn't been what Eren was going to say.

 _But it had been what he was thinking._

"No, I don't think he would," Armin answered his own question. _Too casually. When had his life become so..._ "But I know which scout legion would practically mutiny against him if he didn't."

 _That's not the same, though, is it?_

Eren sighed, and placed his forehead on the top of Armin's head. _Why couldn't Armin say what he wanted to say? Why didn't he know what he wanted Armin to say?_

"I heard Erwin say it," Eren said. He had to. To try to carve the guilt out of him. "There can be no future for humanity without Eren."

"You know what Erwin's like," Armin replied. "He likes a dramatic speech."

"Do you believe it?" Eren asked.

No reply.

"Armin, do you believe it?" Eren pressed.

"Maybe," Armin's voice was small.

Eren pulled away, and Armin stood.

"Eren, no one else can do what you do-" Armin said. He wasn't looking at Eren.

"Do you know what it's like?" Eren snapped, turning on him. "To have all that pressure on your shoulders?! To know that - everyone expects me to just be able to do this and - it's _hard!_ I didn't have a say in this! Any of it! You think I don't want to be normal sometimes?"

Armin flinched at his tone. He was staring at the book, his fists clenched at his sides.

"You think any of us had a say in this?" Armin asked. His voice was quiet. Dangerously quiet.

"You don't know what it's like," Eren said. Yelled. It didn't make him feel better..

"No, Eren, I don't," Armin said. "I don't know what it's like to be a titan shifter. I don't know what it's like to have Commander Erwin say that about me. But I do know what it's like to have people looking at you like that. I know what it's like when people expect you to find a way out of everything."

Eren stared at him. He wanted to argue more - shout more - but he couldn't think of the words.

He just felt more -

"I'm _sorry,"_ Armin said. "But we're all dealing with shit right now, Eren. You might feel all this pressure, but the rest of us just feel useless."

"You're not useless," Eren said.

Armin shook his head.

"We're expendable," he said. "Like you said; everyone's lives were at risk and Commander Erwin never gave it a second thought. We're just…nameless, faceless soldiers."

Eren sighed. He was still mad. Still upset.

But Armin's face was pale, and his hands were shaking slightly.

"You're not," Eren said. He gripped Armin's shoulders. Then thought better of it, and cupped his face instead. "Not to me."

Armin's eyes closed. His mouth twisted, and he placed his hands over Eren's.

"I can't believe we're playing a game of who has it worse," he whispered. "When we're the ones _alive_."

"The livings are the ones with the trouble," Eren said. "Let's agree that we're both going through hell. And my shit doesn't make your shit more important."

Armin gave a weak smile.

"Your shit doesn't make my shit less important," Armin said.

Eren couldn't wrap his head around that one, but he knew the emotion, and wrapped Armin in a tight hug, placing his chin on the top of Armin's head. He felt Armin's nose against his chest, and the smaller boy held him in a death grip.

"Damn, we're really 'coping', huh?" Eren muttered.

Armin pulled away, enough to wipe his eyes with the heel of his palm. Eren blinked, noticing that his own lashes were damp.

"I know you said you weren't thinking about it, but it was _all_ I could think about," Armin said. "Eren, I was so scared I'd never see you again - and then Bert - and - Reiner - and - is Hannes really-"

Eren nodded.

Armin swallowed, a strange noise coming from his throat.

"And Jean was - so still - but _alive_ \- and I was holding him but - I was so - certain - that was the end and I wouldn't see - you - or - anyone - and-"

"I know," Eren said. He pressed his forehead against Armin's. He was finding it hard to speak. But he wasn't crying. "I know, I couldn't - I couldn't titan shift. I could only - scream."

He was sure he wasn't crying.

"Screaming is what you're good at," Armin said, a watery smile appearing on his face. "And you're screaming kind of saved us after all."

"We worked together," Eren said.

Armin gave another weak smile, brushing his thumb across Eren's cheekbone. As light as a feather. A tear wobbled on the pad of Armin's thumb, then trickled down it.

"We are still alive, aren't we?" Armin asked. His eyes searched Eren's like he was unsure.

His eyes were so _blue_. Practically a sky. _Was the sea like that?_

"We're still alive," Eren said. "I'm still going to get you to the ocean."

 _Surely even the sea couldn't be so blue._

Armin brushed the damp from Eren's other cheek and sniffed.

"Just get me through to tomorrow," Armin said. His nose nudged Eren's like he was about to kiss him.

"I'll get you through to tomorrow, I promise," Eren said. He pressed his mouth against Armin's. When he opened his eyes, he could only see a blur of blue. "And the day after. And the day after. And the day after."

"Let's not get too ahead of ourselves," Armin said, with a breathy chuckle.

Eren kissed him again, their noses bumping against each other's. Armin's was cold, and his cheeks were damp.

"I still can't quite believe it," Armin said. He leant back slightly, to rest on the table, his hands on the back of Eren's neck. At the last curls of his hair. " _Bert_ and _Reiner_ , you know…"

Eren closed his eyes, his hands on Armin's waist.

"I know," he said. "That's one of the things I'm trying not to think about."

"How's that going?" Armin cocked his head to one side, a knowing smile on his face.

"About as well as trying not to think about our imminent deaths," Eren said.

"Yeah," Armin said. "I know the feeling."

They both took a deep breath, staring at each other.

"Jeez," Eren sighed after a while. "We're all having our existential crises so early."

"But I don't feel young," Armin said. "Not any more. I can't imagine being Captain Levi's age. I can only imagine now."

Eren raised his eyebrows. He understood.

"Everyone's saying we're just kids, but on the other hand," Eren took a breath. "We're weapons."

His thumbs rubbed small circles on Armin's back, and Armin stroked the back of Eren's hair. Were it was fluffy and slightly matted because he forgot to comb it - with all that had been happening.

"Reiner - Reiner kept saying crap about soldiers and warriors and a bunch of stuff I didn't get," Eren said. He was finding it had to breathe. To find the words. "But I can't get that shit out of my head."

Armin didn't have an answer. He just nodded, and took a deep breath.

"Don't concentrate on it," he said. "Just think about making it through to tomorrow."

"How?" Eren breathed. His fists clenched on Armin's shirt.

"Just - one breath at a time," Armin replied.

He leant up and kissed Eren. At the corner of his mouth, so that Eren turned to try to catch him.

"I believe in you, Eren," Armin said.

Eren pulled Armin's waist towards him and kissed his again. His lips missed Armin's more times than they collided, but that didn't matter. What mattered was it cleared his head. He only thought about Armin. And how cold Armin felt and the feeling of Armin's lips..

It was the only time he could shut his brain up.

He didn't know when they finally pulled away, but Armin was sat on the table, and he was bent over him.

And Armin was frowning slightly at him. His thumbs ran under Eren's eyes.

"You look tired," Armin said. "How much sleep have you been getting?"

"Like, an hour," Eren replied, his hands closing over Armin's. His palms were still so soft.

"You're lucky," Armin said. "I think Mikasa's been surviving on ten minutes and an inhuman amount of tea."

"So she drinks as much as Levi does?" Eren said. He leant into Armin's hands, and Armin smiled at him. An unconscious smile. The best kind of smile.

"Get some rest," Armin said. "I'll read and be here when you wake up."

The idea was tempting. More than tempting.

They found a corner of the library, and Armin plopped down with the huge book.

Eren sat next to him, resting his head on his shoulder. But, though idealistic, was not comfortable.

So instead Eren rested his head on Armin's naval like a child, one arm around Armin's stomach.

"Do you want me to sing you a lullaby too?" Armin asked. His fingers brushed Eren's hair away from his face. _Again and again and again…._

Eren shook his head. Seriousy.

"Lullabies remind me of home," he said.

And home was something they only wanted to be reminded of sometimes. This was not one of those times.

Armin nodded, and continued to stroke Eren's hair. He heard the sound of Eren turning a page in his book.

This was good. To hear Armin breathe. To feel the rise and fall of his stomach. To _know_ that he was alive. They were both alive.

It was easier to drift off when there was a rhythm. Something to concentrate on. Instead of -

 _Reiner. Reiner's icy eyes piercing into him. The pure rage. Realising he had no arms. That sickening feeling. The fury. Reiner's eyes. Bert's eyes. Ymir's…Armoured titan. Titans everywhere. Titan's eyes. Mikasa's eyes - there should have been hope - but Mikasa's eyes were scared. Terror. Hannes - Hannes' scream. Hannes' blood. Mikasa's smile. Titan eyes. Horror. Helplessness._

 _A spot of blood on Mikasa's cheek._

 _It looked so beautiful. Red on brown. Light brown skin. The colour of cinammon. The droplet listening in the sunlight.-_

 _Mikasa screaming. Armin screaming. Eren screaming. Everything screaming and the world was red and titan's eyes - eyes everywhere - eyes on him-_

 ** _A hand on his face!_**

Eren snapped upright, and there was a muffled yell above him.

He found himself face to face with Armin, who was cradling a red nose.

"You were starting to whimper," Armin said, his voice muffled behind his hand.

"It - it was the usual," Eren said.

Armin nodded. His book had been discarded.

"You're here," Armin said. "You're with me. We're alive."

Not 'it's okay'. No one ever said 'it's okay' after a nightmare now.

"Yeah," Eren forced himself to nod. To swallow. To breathe. "We're alive."

"And we'll make it through to tomorrow," Armin said.

He laid a hand over Eren's. Eren's shaking hand. It looked so dark next to Armin's. Armin was a porcelian doll.

 _So easily breakable. They were all so easily-_

He forced his mind away. To focus on Armin. On Armin's lips and Armin's eyes.

"We'll make it to the ocean," Eren said.

He had wanted to see Armin smile. To grin at him.

He recieved a ghost of a smile. Armin's fingers twitched over his own.

"Just concentrate on tomorrow," he said.

Eren turned his hand over, linking his fingers into Armin's.

"Okay," he said. "I'll focus on tomorrow-" he gave Armin's fingers a light squeeze. "-And every day that we're together."

Armin did smile then. He leant forward and kissed Eren.

"Go back to sleep, sweetheart," he said. "I'll be here when you wake up."

Eren lay back down. And listened to Armin breathing. And felt Armin's stomach rise and fall.

And tried not to think about anything at all.


End file.
